Why Avoiding Difficult People Is Career Suicide

The uncomfortable conversation that could transform your biggest critic into your strongest advocate.

Aug 04, 2025

Dear Future Leaders,

You're avoiding that person who embarrassed you in a meeting.

They dismissed your expertise in front of the team. Made you feel small. Responded rudely to your well-intentioned suggestions.

So you do what feels natural: focus on delivering great work and avoid direct interaction whenever possible.

This strategy feels protective.

It's actually career suicide.

The Avoidance Trap

When a difficult person challenges you publicly, your instinct is to minimize future interactions. You deliver on your commitments, attend required meetings, but avoid the relationship-building conversations that actually matter.

Here's what you're probably telling yourself: "My work will speak for itself. If I just keep delivering, they'll eventually see my value."

They won't.

Two weeks into a new company, I learned this lesson brutally. During a stakeholder meeting, I suggested taking a "holistic approach" to prevent scope creep on a key project.

The stakeholder Fred's response was devastating: "I don't want end-to-end. I'm not looking for this project to be done in 2030. Thanks for your perspective, but that's not what we need."

I was mortified. Coming from companies with warmer cultures, I'd never encountered such a direct dismissal.

So I did exactly what you're probably doing: I avoided him completely.

Why Avoidance Backfires

Here's what I didn't consider: this person was influential business stakeholder, and my manager deferred to his opinions.

When performance review time came, guess whose feedback shaped my rating?

"You need to improve your communication with leadership."

I had confused keeping my word on deliverables with building relationships. But the people deciding my career trajectory knew I wasn't communicating regularly with this influential stakeholder.

Most managers don't provide original feedback, but simply echo what they hear from others. Because I had left this important relationship unattended, my manager had ammunition to use that gap against me.

The Uncomfortable Fix

I realized I had to do something that felt awful: initiate regular conversations with someone who had publicly embarrassed me.

I started setting up biweekly calls. I began with acknowledgment of the communication gap:

"I haven't communicated the way I wish I had this year. I'd love any feedback you have that I can learn from."

The key was that I wasn't defending myself or making excuses. I was gathering information and using his own language to frame solutions.

I prepared carefully: "You said you don't want to wait until 2030 for results. Neither do I. I want to deliver at the pace you need. What if we set up monthly reviews where you can help shape priorities and see progress in real-time?"

Just months later, that same person said: "In my 20 years, I haven't seen leadership like you're building."

Fred’s boss started telling others:

"Fred is a big fan of you."

What changed wasn't schmoozing or politics. It was consistent preparation and genuine conversation focused on helping him succeed.

The Trust Equation

When stakeholder relationships start poorly, they interpret everything you say through a lens of distrust. They assume negative intentions behind your suggestions.

At any level, people need to know three things: that you have their back, that they can trust you, and that you'll help them look good.

Once you demonstrate these things consistently, no relationship building feels artificial anymore.

Your Action Plan

Look at your current work environment. Is there a stakeholder you're avoiding because of a difficult interaction? Someone whose opinion carries more weight than you want to admit?

That avoidance strategy feels safe, but it's probably more damaging than you realize.

Your most difficult stakeholder relationships often have the highest career impact. The person who challenges you publicly might become your biggest champion if you're willing to do the uncomfortable work.

The fix requires swallowing your pride and initiating the conversation you've been avoiding.

Start with acknowledgment, not defense. Focus on gathering information, not proving your point. Use their language and frame everything around helping them succeed.

Your career advancement often depends not on avoiding difficult people, but on your ability to turn challenging relationships into supportive ones.

Want to get started right away? For a limited time, I'll give you conversation scripts and frameworks for repairing damaged relationships, plus templates for scheduling those uncomfortable meetings you've been avoiding.

Simply reply with the word "REPAIR" to get started.